Short break done and will begin writing again soon.
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Mr. Mom and Homemaking Daddy Part III
Let's get straight to the meat of the final installment of this. I have been back at work for one week now. Up anywhere from 0300 to 0430 getting ready and getting on the road to head to work, 10 - 13 hours of nonstop work, NO NAPS, NO talking to my son, NO play times, NO hugs, and most days getting home with only less than an hour seeing my son before I read him his bedtime story. Conclusion...
There is absolutely no way I would choose to work rather than being a stay at home dad. No matter what stress or inconvenience there might be with the job, there is no way it even comes close to my job when it comes to job satisfaction... and I love my job. Everything you do as your "job" when you are a stay at home spouse is something amazing, you are raising a child and if you are lucky enough to have the privilege to stay at home and enjoy the wondrous spectacle of a child growing and discovering, consider yourself lucky. I love the fact that my wife gets the opportunity to enjoy this, since a lot of people do not have the luxury of being able to.
I will not be going into great detail with this post, but I did feel that I did an inadequate job of closing out my last post (let's face it, I just got lazy and forgot to produce a dramatic ending). But to my credit, let's be completely honest... You knew deep down in your heart of hearts that I would love this job. If you don't love the job of "being a parent", you shouldn't be a parent.
Happy Holidays,
Stephen R Bender
1st Lieutenant, USMC
There is absolutely no way I would choose to work rather than being a stay at home dad. No matter what stress or inconvenience there might be with the job, there is no way it even comes close to my job when it comes to job satisfaction... and I love my job. Everything you do as your "job" when you are a stay at home spouse is something amazing, you are raising a child and if you are lucky enough to have the privilege to stay at home and enjoy the wondrous spectacle of a child growing and discovering, consider yourself lucky. I love the fact that my wife gets the opportunity to enjoy this, since a lot of people do not have the luxury of being able to.
I will not be going into great detail with this post, but I did feel that I did an inadequate job of closing out my last post (let's face it, I just got lazy and forgot to produce a dramatic ending). But to my credit, let's be completely honest... You knew deep down in your heart of hearts that I would love this job. If you don't love the job of "being a parent", you shouldn't be a parent.
Happy Holidays,
Stephen R Bender
1st Lieutenant, USMC
Thursday, November 28, 2013
An Atheist Christmas and The Santa Question
I am an atheist. I love the Christmas holiday, I have carried this love through my youth, through good times and bad, my time in the military, and as a son, a brother, a husband, and a father. For as long as I can remember, my passion for the holidays never focused on the religious side of the season. For me, it was about the winter season approaching, of helping those less fortunate, Christmas carols, decorating, holiday parties, family and friends, and PRESENTS, lots of presents. Even when I was religious, the idea of Jesus' birth being the central focus of the season would only come across my mind during a Charlie Brown Christmas or maybe certain Christmas Carols. It wasn't our main focus, all I knew was that I loved my family and loved the joy I felt and the joy being felt around me. This isn't to say that religion wasn't around me or that people didn't remind me of the "reason for the season", but for me this always brought an air of sadness and guilt to the holidays. Now that I am an outright atheist, my views on Christmas have changed very little when it comes to how I celebrate this wondrous time of the season. I look forward to decorating our Christmas tree (Pagan), giving gifts (pre-Christian Rome - Saturnalia), hanging the mistletoe (Norse mythology), and donating time to local charities (humanity). The only difference I notice now is that I know the origins of the customs that I have grown to love, that does not diminish their importance to me or how much they influence this time of the year but I believe they provide a perspective and context for why we do what we do.
Now as much frustration as I have during this time of year, what bothers me most is when personal beliefs are forced upon people. I always try to the best of my ability to not interfere with personal expression of belief when done privately. If I am invited to someone's home, I will never bring up my personal beliefs. If they pray prior to dinner I will bow my head and quietly listen or if asked to participate in "Airing of Grievances" for Festivus (man I love Seinfeld) I will do my best. The point being, is that if I go into someone else's home, I am a guest and will adhere to their personal wishes and beliefs, I am there on my own free will and have the choice to separate myself from the situation if I feel it is appropriate. This is not the case when religious ideas are forces upon people in public government areas or in public schools. Can the nativity scene be displayed outside of a church? Yes, it is their property. Should it be displayed on government property? I feel it shouldn't because I think most people would have a problem if you were to put an Eid Al-Adha display next to it (Eid Al-Adha is where Muslims usually sacrifice an animal and distribute its meat among family, friends and the poor). To make it easier, if it is government property there should be nothing holiday related, if it is private property, fair game. Now that isn't the end all but that is my personal opinion and it is how I would like to be treated so it is how I look to treat others.
Now the most common questions I usually receive during this time of year does not focus on me, but on my son. "Are you going to deprive your son of Santa? How can you take away that joy and wonder of Santa Claus?" To this I think I might have lucked out since every time he sees Santa he is terrified and it will just be easier to just tell him he doesn't exist and let him read about it on Wiki about the history of Santa (by the way, if you have never read Wikipedia about all the Christmas topics it is a great read, though not the final word, a great place to start). Yet I have lain awake wondering many a nights as to what I should do with my son, do I want to lie to him on something I know is untrue or is it an excepted deceit for a greater good. I have read many studies and opinion articles on the subject and there is no clear cut answer to this, there is a lot of passionate opinion but no hard line evidence that lying to a small child at that age will have negative effects. In my heart of hearts I feel that there is enough wonder and joy in the season to suffice my son's imagination, I quote the late Douglas Adams (English writer, humorist, and dramatist) here that, "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?" And I do believe there is, I think that I will tell my son about the story of Santa Claus, that the evidence is to the contrary, but we can continue searching the North Pole and the skies on Christmas Night searching for that jolly old elf. And who knows, one day we may find something, and that is what an inquiring scientific mind does. We will weigh the evidence, make a sound judgment call on the possibility of existence, and if any evidence is found to change our original conclusion, then we will update our results. Science.
The most important thing will always be family, no matter what argument or ill will we may have during this season, we always go back to that which is most important. My son is the most important thing during this time of year; his happiness, joy, and love are the only things that mean anything worthwhile and the only thing that effects how I live each day. As a nonbeliever, each day becomes more important than the one before. I would be lying if I said that I wouldn't want eternity with my son (though my wife would tell you that even six years with me feels like an eternity) but that isn't going to happen, this life is all I have, and I’m fine with that. It’s what makes the time we have so incredible, it’s what makes the few Christmases that you have with your children times that you should be cherishing with all your heart and being. I know that this life is all I have with my son; that when I am gone the memories that we have made together will be all that is left of me. That what is left of me is what I pass on to my son, family, and friends. When you have that mindset, you realize that everything you have done and will do in life is solely your responsibility and you are responsible to make every moment better for everyone and to achieve the most out of every second of your fleeting time here. That’s what Christmas is; it’s a magnifying glass to focus all that is good, it is a time to remind ourselves that we all have something joyous to give to the world if we only take the time to do it. It is a time to invite EVERYONE into our lives to love one another and make each other’s short time in this world something amazing. That is the Christmas holiday season to an atheist. This is what Happy Holidays means to me.
In this joyous time of the holidays, I leave you with sound advice from a well known atheist during this holiday season. I thank you for taking the time to read this and look forward to sharing in the holiday joy and wonder that we as a family always enjoy around this time of year. Happy Holidays.
Stephen Bender
1st Lieutenant. USMC
“Our belief is not a belief. Our principles are not a faith. We do not rely solely upon science and reason, because these are necessary rather than sufficient factors, but we distrust anything that contradicts science or outrages reason. We may differ on many things, but what we respect is free inquiry, open-mindedness, and the pursuit of ideas for their own sake.” - Christopher Hitchens
If you are interested in more on the lying to children topic, Sam Harris (Author, Neuroscientist, and CEO of Project Reason) wrote an amazing and in depth blog on the subject that I have included here. To quote his page:
"Children have fantasy lives so rich and combustible that rigging them with lies is like putting a propeller on a rocket. And is the last child in class who still believes in Santa really grateful to have his first lesson in epistemology meted out by his fellow six-year-olds? If you deceive your children about Santa, you may give them a more thrilling experience of Christmas. What you probably won’t give them, however, is the sense that you would not and could not lie to them about anything else."
 |
| The Queen's Christmas tree 1850 |
For example, because of curiosity and the internet, I now know that, according to the Encyclopedia Britannica, "The use of evergreen trees, wreaths, and garlands to symbolize eternal life was a custom of the ancient Egyptians, Chinese, and Hebrews. Tree worship was common among the pagan Europeans and survived their conversion to Christianity in the Scandinavian customs of decorating the house and barn with evergreens at the New Year to scare away the devil and of setting up a tree for the birds during Christmastime". I have also learned that "In pre-Christian Rome, the emperors compelled their most despised citizens to bring offerings and gifts during the Saturnalia (in December) and Kalends (in January). Later, this ritual expanded to include gift-giving among the general populace. The Catholic Church gave this custom a Christian flavor by re-rooting it in the supposed gift-giving of Saint Nicholas". This information does not take away from the awe and wonder that I see in my son's eyes when he opens a gift on Christmas morning or from the satisfaction my parents enjoyed when watching my brother and I decorate our Christmas tree when I was little. In all honesty the removal of the guilt aspect of Christmas (Jesus born with the only purpose to eventually die for the sins of the world) makes it that much easier to focus on the beautiful and wonderful parts of this world and what is in front of us right now.
Now as much frustration as I have during this time of year, what bothers me most is when personal beliefs are forced upon people. I always try to the best of my ability to not interfere with personal expression of belief when done privately. If I am invited to someone's home, I will never bring up my personal beliefs. If they pray prior to dinner I will bow my head and quietly listen or if asked to participate in "Airing of Grievances" for Festivus (man I love Seinfeld) I will do my best. The point being, is that if I go into someone else's home, I am a guest and will adhere to their personal wishes and beliefs, I am there on my own free will and have the choice to separate myself from the situation if I feel it is appropriate. This is not the case when religious ideas are forces upon people in public government areas or in public schools. Can the nativity scene be displayed outside of a church? Yes, it is their property. Should it be displayed on government property? I feel it shouldn't because I think most people would have a problem if you were to put an Eid Al-Adha display next to it (Eid Al-Adha is where Muslims usually sacrifice an animal and distribute its meat among family, friends and the poor). To make it easier, if it is government property there should be nothing holiday related, if it is private property, fair game. Now that isn't the end all but that is my personal opinion and it is how I would like to be treated so it is how I look to treat others.
If you want to know what it is like to be an atheist in a Christian dominated area during the holidays (or any belief not Christian), imagine your local municipal building, whether it be court room, city hall, or police station, and replace anything Christian with Muslim Symbols. All crosses change to the star and crescent, remove the bible and replace it with the qur'an, and modify the architecture to represent religious edifices such as mosques, khanqahs, and dargahs. This is how most people with different faiths or no faith feel when they enter a government or public areas during the holidays. Now I will grant this is not all cases but for my experience this seems to be the norm when I first started walking around with an atheist eye on the world. I do not have problems with generic decorations; I have issues with decorations that are a direct representation of a specific religion in government buildings and locations. Now my personal holiday preference has no problem with decorated trees, garland, and lights in public areas, I can understand where someone could get upset with the Pagan association with the tree, but for my preference I have no problem with it. And that's where it comes down to, at what point do we say it's too much, do we remove everything or do we allow a little here or a little there. Personally, I think it should be kept as private as possible, because to me the most important thing for this holiday is family.
 |
| 1881 illustration by Thomas Nast |
The most important thing will always be family, no matter what argument or ill will we may have during this season, we always go back to that which is most important. My son is the most important thing during this time of year; his happiness, joy, and love are the only things that mean anything worthwhile and the only thing that effects how I live each day. As a nonbeliever, each day becomes more important than the one before. I would be lying if I said that I wouldn't want eternity with my son (though my wife would tell you that even six years with me feels like an eternity) but that isn't going to happen, this life is all I have, and I’m fine with that. It’s what makes the time we have so incredible, it’s what makes the few Christmases that you have with your children times that you should be cherishing with all your heart and being. I know that this life is all I have with my son; that when I am gone the memories that we have made together will be all that is left of me. That what is left of me is what I pass on to my son, family, and friends. When you have that mindset, you realize that everything you have done and will do in life is solely your responsibility and you are responsible to make every moment better for everyone and to achieve the most out of every second of your fleeting time here. That’s what Christmas is; it’s a magnifying glass to focus all that is good, it is a time to remind ourselves that we all have something joyous to give to the world if we only take the time to do it. It is a time to invite EVERYONE into our lives to love one another and make each other’s short time in this world something amazing. That is the Christmas holiday season to an atheist. This is what Happy Holidays means to me.
In this joyous time of the holidays, I leave you with sound advice from a well known atheist during this holiday season. I thank you for taking the time to read this and look forward to sharing in the holiday joy and wonder that we as a family always enjoy around this time of year. Happy Holidays.
Stephen Bender
1st Lieutenant. USMC
“Our belief is not a belief. Our principles are not a faith. We do not rely solely upon science and reason, because these are necessary rather than sufficient factors, but we distrust anything that contradicts science or outrages reason. We may differ on many things, but what we respect is free inquiry, open-mindedness, and the pursuit of ideas for their own sake.” - Christopher Hitchens
If you are interested in more on the lying to children topic, Sam Harris (Author, Neuroscientist, and CEO of Project Reason) wrote an amazing and in depth blog on the subject that I have included here. To quote his page:
"Children have fantasy lives so rich and combustible that rigging them with lies is like putting a propeller on a rocket. And is the last child in class who still believes in Santa really grateful to have his first lesson in epistemology meted out by his fellow six-year-olds? If you deceive your children about Santa, you may give them a more thrilling experience of Christmas. What you probably won’t give them, however, is the sense that you would not and could not lie to them about anything else."
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Mr. Mom and Homemaking Daddy Part II
I'm still here and the house has not burned down. In all honesty this is what is considered a success when I started this en-devour. This however, has been a learning curve that I have immensely enjoyed. Over the past two weeks now, my poor wife has stood by while I make a mockery of her profession that diligently accomplishes every day while I am at work. I have learned patience and planning at the two year old level and have gained a new found respect for the job. I have learned to leave the Marine Corps at the door along with the careful planning and expectations of things always being done by the numbers and to completion at every step.
 |
| Cooking with Dad |
But what I haven't given up is my want and desire to improve at every step. As I progressed into my second week I found everything was more fluid, not necessarily easier, but less cumbersome than when I first started. I started researching and preparing (Thank you Wiki) and found that I was preparing better for each day. When something new came up I would just take it in stride, stay calm, laugh it off, and plan for it better for the next day.
I'm looking forward to my last few days as a stay at home dad and cherished this time to not only test my metal as a homemaker (yes honey, I know you were there the whole time "babysitting" me) but also learn a little more about my son. I look forward to doing this yearly and hope that the next time I get this wonderful opportunity that it will be as fulfilling as this time was.
Negative
- My son wastes so much food. It gets real frustrating when I can't get his food back to the fridge so I can save it.
Positive
- Nap time with my son is AMAZING. Nap time at work is unheard of, the opportunity to lay down and have a short nap with my son is mind blowing. though I try to get work done while he is asleep, if the chance presents itself I am all over it.
Stephen Bender
1st Lieutenant, USMC
Negative
- My son wastes so much food. It gets real frustrating when I can't get his food back to the fridge so I can save it.
Positive
- Nap time with my son is AMAZING. Nap time at work is unheard of, the opportunity to lay down and have a short nap with my son is mind blowing. though I try to get work done while he is asleep, if the chance presents itself I am all over it.
Stephen Bender
1st Lieutenant, USMC
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Good News Club
For those of you who are unaware, I am absolutely opposed to any form of religious teaching when it comes to young children without parents supervision (and even certain parent supervision is iffy). I know there is a lot of people who have the complete belief...
"Give me the children until they are seven and anyone may have them afterwards."
- St. Francis Xavier (Spanish Basque religious leader, saint, & apostle to India (1506 - 1552))
but in all honestly think about that. The only thing that decided a child's religion is the fact they were born to you in the United States, and in most cases the only reason you were your own religion is because it was the religion of your parents.
What this blog is about is about a group known as the Good News Club. Good News Club is a weekly evangelical program for 5–12 year old children featuring a Bible lesson, songs, memory verses, and games. It is the leading ministry of Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF), which creates the curriculum, translates it for use around the world, and trains instructors to teach it. I think it would be a great opportunity for adults who have chosen their religious beliefs on their own to gather and talk about their beliefs and learn more about what they are passionate about. What I have an issue with is centrally locating these institutions in public schools and the blatant focus on child sinfullness. CEF states that "we are intentional about evangelism" and that "attention is focused on the lostness of the child without Christ." CEF also states that in order to appropriate salvation, man has a responsibility "to recognize and agree with what God has said about man's sinful condition, thus to see himself as a lost sinner." Well what about people who are not Christian, what about those people who directly believe something that is a sin to the teachings of this organization. If we are going by the teachings of the bible, then if a child comes across another child with a different religion, they are taught by the bible to...
"If there be found among you, within any of thy gates which the LORD thy God giveth thee, man or woman, that hath wrought wickedness in the sight of the LORD thy God, in transgressing his covenant; 17:3 And hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them, either the sun, or moon, or any of the host of heaven, which I have not commanded; 17:4 And it be told thee, and thou hast heard of it, and enquired diligently, and, behold, it be true, and the thing certain, that such abomination is wrought in Israel; 17:5 Then shalt thou bring forth that man or that woman, which have committed that wicked thing, unto thy gates, even that man or that woman, and shalt stone them with stones, till they die."
Deuteronomy 17
Now I have heard the rebuttal too many times to not know it's coming, "You can't use Deuteronomy, I don't believe in things in that part of the bible" (ie. working on the Sabbath, homosexuality, contact with pigs, eating shellfish, selling your daughter into slavery, etc.). Which gets us into another issue about picking and choosing your morals like an atheist, but I digress. Do you really want your 5-12 year old child hearing about this and then making snap decisions on what to do about the Muslims, Jews, or non believer around them? I for one would not want the children calling my son a sinner and telling him he is going to hell because he does not believe their 1 of 30,000 interpretation of the bible. He will make his own choices about his faith or lack there of when he gets older and can make that decision on his own without indoctrination from me or other institutions. This group doesn't care about any of those rights, their goals are:
"CEF began an initiative to move Good News Clubs from neighborhood homes into public elementary schools. It launched an "Adopt-A-School" program to recruit evangelical "church partners" to open clubs in public elementary schools and train their volunteers. In 2002, only about 1000 out of nearly 4800 clubs met in public schools. By 2011, over 3500 out of nearly 5000 clubs met in public schools. CEF reports that it "hopes to one day have a Good News Club in every elementary school in America."
I personally hope this will not be the case.
UPDATE:
I finished reading this after writing this piece:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Good-News-Club-Christian/dp/1586488430
In 2012, journalist Katherine Stewart published The Good News Club: The Christian Right's Stealth Assault on America's Children, describing the local controversy that erupted when Good News Club came to Seattle's Loyal Heights Elementary School and chronicling what she learned as an undercover reporter at CEF's triennial National Convention in 2010. Separately, Stewart has reported on complaints by parents of children of other faiths being warned, by their Good News Club classmates, that they may go to hell, and of Good News Club's teaching, as an object lesson on obedience, of I Samuel 15:3's divine imperative to "attack the Amalekites" and "put to death men and women, children and infants."
For more information
Wikipedia Entry
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_News_Club
Good News Club Website
http://www.cefonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=13&Itemid=100049/
"Give me the children until they are seven and anyone may have them afterwards."
- St. Francis Xavier (Spanish Basque religious leader, saint, & apostle to India (1506 - 1552))
but in all honestly think about that. The only thing that decided a child's religion is the fact they were born to you in the United States, and in most cases the only reason you were your own religion is because it was the religion of your parents.
What this blog is about is about a group known as the Good News Club. Good News Club is a weekly evangelical program for 5–12 year old children featuring a Bible lesson, songs, memory verses, and games. It is the leading ministry of Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF), which creates the curriculum, translates it for use around the world, and trains instructors to teach it. I think it would be a great opportunity for adults who have chosen their religious beliefs on their own to gather and talk about their beliefs and learn more about what they are passionate about. What I have an issue with is centrally locating these institutions in public schools and the blatant focus on child sinfullness. CEF states that "we are intentional about evangelism" and that "attention is focused on the lostness of the child without Christ." CEF also states that in order to appropriate salvation, man has a responsibility "to recognize and agree with what God has said about man's sinful condition, thus to see himself as a lost sinner." Well what about people who are not Christian, what about those people who directly believe something that is a sin to the teachings of this organization. If we are going by the teachings of the bible, then if a child comes across another child with a different religion, they are taught by the bible to...
"If there be found among you, within any of thy gates which the LORD thy God giveth thee, man or woman, that hath wrought wickedness in the sight of the LORD thy God, in transgressing his covenant; 17:3 And hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them, either the sun, or moon, or any of the host of heaven, which I have not commanded; 17:4 And it be told thee, and thou hast heard of it, and enquired diligently, and, behold, it be true, and the thing certain, that such abomination is wrought in Israel; 17:5 Then shalt thou bring forth that man or that woman, which have committed that wicked thing, unto thy gates, even that man or that woman, and shalt stone them with stones, till they die."
Deuteronomy 17
Now I have heard the rebuttal too many times to not know it's coming, "You can't use Deuteronomy, I don't believe in things in that part of the bible" (ie. working on the Sabbath, homosexuality, contact with pigs, eating shellfish, selling your daughter into slavery, etc.). Which gets us into another issue about picking and choosing your morals like an atheist, but I digress. Do you really want your 5-12 year old child hearing about this and then making snap decisions on what to do about the Muslims, Jews, or non believer around them? I for one would not want the children calling my son a sinner and telling him he is going to hell because he does not believe their 1 of 30,000 interpretation of the bible. He will make his own choices about his faith or lack there of when he gets older and can make that decision on his own without indoctrination from me or other institutions. This group doesn't care about any of those rights, their goals are:
"CEF began an initiative to move Good News Clubs from neighborhood homes into public elementary schools. It launched an "Adopt-A-School" program to recruit evangelical "church partners" to open clubs in public elementary schools and train their volunteers. In 2002, only about 1000 out of nearly 4800 clubs met in public schools. By 2011, over 3500 out of nearly 5000 clubs met in public schools. CEF reports that it "hopes to one day have a Good News Club in every elementary school in America."
I personally hope this will not be the case.
UPDATE:
I finished reading this after writing this piece:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Good-News-Club-Christian/dp/1586488430
In 2012, journalist Katherine Stewart published The Good News Club: The Christian Right's Stealth Assault on America's Children, describing the local controversy that erupted when Good News Club came to Seattle's Loyal Heights Elementary School and chronicling what she learned as an undercover reporter at CEF's triennial National Convention in 2010. Separately, Stewart has reported on complaints by parents of children of other faiths being warned, by their Good News Club classmates, that they may go to hell, and of Good News Club's teaching, as an object lesson on obedience, of I Samuel 15:3's divine imperative to "attack the Amalekites" and "put to death men and women, children and infants."
For more information
Wikipedia Entry
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_News_Club
Good News Club Website
http://www.cefonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=13&Itemid=100049/
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